Blog? Fail.

It's Monday. Where, I hear you scream, are the posts for Saturday and Sunday.

Where, Ashley? Where?

Here, I've just taken the top off this bottle of beer. You have it. Sit in that comfy armchair and relax. No, not the one near the door. Don't want you sitting in a draft. No, sit in the big leather one by the fire. That's it. I know, heaven right?

Now that your feeling a little calmer, let me explain.

(Cue flashback...)

William came this weekend. That's not why there was no blog, I'm just setting the scene.

William came. It was cool. Cherie and I went to a Buddhist meeting after a busy morning of stuff and then went to Cath's to collect our newly fired pottery pieces. Cherie's stuff was obviously amazing but surprisingly, mine was quite good too. I gave it to William for his cornflakes. It had pictures of fish inside and I'd written "A shoal in your bowl". William liked it.

I then went for a naughty night out cruelly leaving poorly wife at home with the babies (one fifteen year old and an eighteen year old). In truth, they probably babysat her - she has been officially diagnosed with a kidney infection.

Whilst Cherie was suffering miserably on the sofa in front of the tellybox I went gallivanting about town with two beautiful laydeez; a Miss Nina and a Miss Franki. I drove us to Manchester and Franki took us to a salsa club.

I have to say the view was good. Very, very good. I didn't know where to look. There were some real beauties bouncing around on the dance floor to a vibrant Latin rhythm.

We had a go. At the salsa I mean. We'd arrived too late to take place in any of the dance classes so Franki did her best to teach Nina and I. I wasn't great, but at least this time we didn't need any medical help.

After we'd been showing off our accrington wild swimming dancing prowess to the obviously insanely jealous Mancunians we left and went to Band on the Wall.

It was reggae night and time to get down.

We did. Until after two.

A brief stop for a pizza and home we went. Got in at about 4am.

How naughty is that?

I'd planned to go wetsuit shopping on Sunday but the shop was closed. Bummer. Went writing instead and completely finished a story plan. Ironed out all the plot wrinkles too.

Sound the trumpets of triumph!

But then I decided it was crap. Some bits of it are, it's not just my hyperactive inner critic this time.

I've decided to write three plans and use the best bits to create a fourth. I've already started number two.

I was really tired after being out so late so I wasn't up to blogging.

I've been bidding on eBay for two wetsuit auctions. Both times the price went too high.

I either have to chose a cheaper wetsuit or stump up more cash. At this point. I don't have more cash.

Or do I? Remember the writing course? Write articles for a computer magazine...

I was thinking maybe fund a wetsuit from articles.

Hmmm..... If I had a Victorian moustache I'd be twiddling it right now.